Doom scrolling from TikTok to Instagram, Instagram to Snapchat, and Snapchat to X, singles are caught in a relentless loop of self-pity. Comparison, after all, is the thief of joy.
As we stare miserably at the bouquet-filled stories on our screens, during this month of love, only to glance back at the empty vases in our rooms, we forget an essential truth; instead of waiting for the gift of flowers to fill the void, we should be pruning our own inner gardens.
By seeing only the highlights of others' lives, how can we know if the flowers we envy don’t have rotten roots?
Self-love is often a difficult topic for singles. It’s promoted as an antidote to the deep longing for romance, when in reality, it’s not. Humans naturally crave companionship.
The goal is not to destroy the pedestal we place a partner on, but rather dismantle and equally reform it into ourselves.
Self-love is the practice of recognising your worth through self-discipline and patience. This understanding cannot be fully attained externally because, ultimately, you are the only person who will be with you from birth to death.
So, put down the tissues and try picking up a journal and pen. Sit with yourself and deconstruct your thoughts. Adopt the Amazon method and imagine your desires first and work backwards.
Also, to achieve this, you could try looking internally to find the root cause. Is your longing for a partner actually a projection of an idealised version of yourself? Are you searching for a hero to save you from your shortcomings? And if so, what happens if that hero never comes?
Even for those in relationships, it’s worth asking: do you extend the same grace to yourself that you give your partner? Or do you hold yourself to a higher standard than you expect of them? The self-love journey applies to all situations; it can never be expected that everyone has already achieved this conscience.
Self-love often requires a sense of hedonism, something society tends to frown upon in an era that constantly demands our time and energy. That’s why adaptable methods are necessary for those of us whose legs burn beneath the weight of the capitalist rat race.
Try taking your lunch break on the bench outside instead of being confined to the desk of your office cubicle. Feel the breeze in your face. Instead of passing by your usual takeaway after work, look up a simple recipe and stop at the shop on your way home. Spend time listening to your favourite playlist while exploring new flavours and deepen your skill.
But it is vital to not fall into selfishness and maintain a balance of empathy, so that you do not prioritise yourself at the expense of the village that surrounds you.
Self-love is not a linear journey; it is one that lasts a lifetime and is filled with hills and valleys we must overcome.
If you don’t know where to start, observe or ask how your friends and family achieve self-love or even look for more tips online. If you have a relationship with God, continue to strengthen it to guide you to open your eyes beyond the people in front of you.
Love exists, even when it’s not in sight. Sometimes, you just have to start by looking within.
Edited by Phoebe Huzij
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